The Problem With Self-Help

Have you tried “manifesting” your perfect life, only to be disappointed or frustrated that nothing is working out the way you wanted or expected? Are you tired of trying all the time? Or maybe you got what you thought you wanted, only to discover that your life is still really stressful?

Wouldn’t you just rather feel more peace and a sense of purpose?

The “self-help” world has generated billions of dollars in sales by promising people to make their lives not just better, but absolutely perfect. From life coaches promising to teach you how to “manifest” money to New Age gurus claiming that thinking positively will magically make your life always easy, all the time, the self-help world is full of a lot of promises. Many of them empty.

Did you ever wonder: If those self-proclaimed gurus really knew how to “manifest” millions out of thin air, why are they selling you their services? Why aren’t they retired and sipping margaritas on a beach somewhere?

There’s a dark side to all of this “manifesting” that’s being pushed:

1) It’s self-centered and encourages too much focus on self-actualization at the expense of others, and, ironically, personal mental health.

2) It claims it’s not fear-based, but it’s the exact opposite! If you are taught that any sort of negative thought might bring a negative outcome, you are basically put into fear mode, where you will need to control everything around and inside you.

The Kenosis Wellness paradigm is different from the typical “self-help” fare.

All of this modern “manifestation” spirituality is an outgrowth of our modern consumerist culture in the West. It is about materialism at its core – creating a comfortable life, with external success as its focus.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable or successful. However, it misses the bigger picture.

WHY are you here? Are you just here to get the latest and greatest in tech gadgets for yourself? Are you here to make yourself famous?

If you look at some of the greatest spiritual traditions on the planet, the ones that have been around for thousands of years, a common theme is letting go of the ego in order to become more kind, compassionate, and closer to God.

In Christianity, the concept of “self-emptying love” is called kenosis. This is exemplified by Jesus’s death on the cross and his forgiveness towards the people that killed him.

When you change your paradigm from “self-love” to “self-emptying love,” you actually free yourself!

Your life doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to make a million dollars or be famous to have “made it.” You don’t have to freak out that one negative thought is going to destroy everything. You stop focusing so much on what you can get, and focus more on what you can give.

This isn’t about giving in a co-dependent way (which is not about genuine love but self-preservation). This is about giving your gifts in service, as a spiritual practice. It’s about finding your true life purpose, and living a life of servant leadership.